Tell Me This is Normal. (A mom's request)

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Tell me this is normal
As I cry into my pillow
The yelling and the frustration
When my kids don’t want to listen
And the behaviors seem so big
Just tell me I’m no different.

Tell me this is normal
As I turn away my head
To try to calm the anger
And the feeling of despair
As I look around the house
And see all I have to do
Just tell me I’m no different.

Tell me this is normal
As my child tells me no
Or refuses to clean up his toys
As he runs away
Or refuses to get dressed again
When it’s time to go
And everything just feels so hard
As the tears well in my eyes
So tell me I’m no different.

Tell me this is normal
When that gap just feels so wide
When the partner I once felt so close to
Now feels so far away
And I’m not even sure what happened
Or how to get it back
Or some days if I even care
So tell me I’m no different.

Do other moms carry around this weight
Of feeling they’ve got it wrong
And failing each and every day
Do they see the evidence like I do
Piling all around
Tell me I’m no different
And then tell me this can change

Because as I look around at other moms I see
I find that I’m judging them
Lest I have to judge me
For all the imperfection that I see
Because if they’re doing it right
Then that confirms I’m not.

So I vow to try harder
As I pull out the rewards
To try to get my child to behave
In a way that makes me feel I’ve got control
But all I’m left standing in is more defiance
So I throw out the rewards
And start taking things away.

Nothing seems to be working
And I throw my hands up in surrender
As I lock my bedroom door
Tears streaming down my face
Tell me I’m no different
And then tell me this can change.

I now know that both are true
And I’m on the other side
I can tell you mama,
If what you feel is overwhelm and stress and despair
That’s completely normal
But it’s possible for this to change.

When I learned about perfection
And the truth about control
When I learned to let go of judging myself
I found confidence instead

When I learned that judgment simply keeps one stuck
Because when I was busy comparing
I couldn’t see another way
Or believe that it was possible for me.

I know if feels easy to judge
To feel safe inside
But someone doing it different doesn’t mean they’re wrong
Simply that they’ve found another way
But that can feel scary when it felt this made me wrong
And in that fear I judged some more.

When I learned I could change my whole experience
No matter what was going on
I stepped into my power
And rooted in the connection
Of trusting myself and my kids

When I understood that yelling and overwhelm
Were my learned responses to stress
That erupted from fear and insecurity
And the feeling of powerlessness
I leaned how to shift my thoughts
To give myself the space
To be responsive to my child’s needs
And not reactive to the behavior.

When I stepped out of myself
and connected with my child
When I stopped making my child responsible for my feelings
And owned them instead,
I’ve now found the place where love and joy exist
And while parenting will never be easy
It sure is a lot more fun.

The kids cooperate
And help clean up
More than with the yelling or rewards or punishing ever did.

We laugh more
And snuggle
And I see the empathy and understanding growing
In their relationship with each other.

And in every moment of challenge,
I’ve learned to see the good
And then what is possible
When every moment is happening for me
For in these moments especially
I have the chance to grow.

This path I took wasn’t easy
But the value is immeasurable
As everything has shifted
My relationship with myself
My husband and my boys.

And so this I know is possible
For you and you and you,
If you want to create a different experience
It begins with believing you can
And I’m here to tell you
Mama, you can!
I’ve seen it in my family
And in my clients.

It can feel really messy
And easy to go back to the familiar
And the comfortable
Because this is what your brain knows how to do
It’s the difference between trying to be peaceful
And remove rewards and consequences and punishments
And without the work I did on myself
All that would have felt too overwhelming
And out of control
Versus actually knowing how to feel and access your inner peace
No matter the chaos around you.

So next time you find yourself sliding into doubt
Use those feelings as a barometer
To choosing love instead
Because in love you know the answers
(which may be there’s there’s none)

If you’re only job is loving your child and trusting what comes next
What might that open up for you to experience instead?
Because teaching done in love is heard
Where teaching done in fear
Is punishment
And impossible to learn.

So in every moment choose love
(hint frustration, anger, overwhelm are fear based feelings)
You can choose different thoughts
In those moments and change your feelings.
(I know I didn’t believe it either until I did
And I witness what choosing love looks like every day)

Ready to see what’s possible?
Grab 10 Mindset Shifts You Can Make to Transform your Parenting and start applying the strategies and insight immediately here
(and feel the energy begin to shift!)

I’d love to invite you to join my private Facebook Community, The Moms Hive
Let’s celebrate the mom you are today while I share the tools, inspiration and support to
begin to create more peace and joy in your home.
And know that this is 100% available to you.

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Irene is a certified parenting coach who is passionate about creating peace in parenting and opening parents hearts to what is possible in their family. She works with clients 1-1 and offers support through her digital course, The Peaceful Parent Playbook. She is host of the private Facebook Community, The Moms Hive. She is inspired to help moms let go of the doing that leads to the overwhelm and more “bee-ing” in peace, joy and a love for parenting.

Irene McKennaComment