When Parenting Feels Heavy
Clean the house.
Wash the clothes.
Make meals (bonus if they’re actually healthy).
Help with homework.
Raise this little human to be happy, successful and well-behaved.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had exercised regularly.
Forget date nights or even conversations with my partner over anything other than can you do this or pick the kids up.
It just felt like so much.
And no one was helping. (or so I told myself)
I had to do it all.
This was me not too long ago.
Along with the feelings of frustration
Trying to do everything. Control everything.
Feeling guilty if I relaxed or giving up sleep or exercise to collapse in front of the tv.
Trying to read articles and books to “fix” my kids defiant, disrespectful, lack of independence, listening and cooperation behaviors.
But nothing changed. And I just had to do more.
I had a relationship to my husband in need of some TLC.
A relationship to my kids that always felt like consequences or rewards.
And a relationship with myself based on the feeling of failure and never enough.
I tried to use the mantras.
“I am enough”
“I am perfect just as I am”
But not really believing them, it fell on deaf ears.
I felt so stuck. That the mantra I seemed to use most of all was
“I don’t think I can do this today”
There was so much pressure to do it all.
Beliefs I learned at a young age
To keep the peace
To make everyone happy
To not argue or make demands
To go with the flow
But now I’m an adult (and a mom) and these old beliefs still hang on
To keep the peace and not make demands
To keep trying to do everything.
To control to avoid the chaos that sits on the other side
To avoid conflict.
But the conflict brews deep inside
And checking out
So I kept doing but with anger and frustration
That sat beneath the surface
Until I blew up
And then I felt the guilt and the shame.
I remember the day like it was yesterday.
I had just begun my journey as a coach
And I was struggling to see how to believe
In the investment I was asking people to make
I was standing in my room crying
After another fight with my husband
I had walked upstairs to breathe
Feeling so broken
And I knew in that moment, I would have paid anything to change this experience.
The yelling at my kids
The resentment at my husband
The weight of keeping my family together
And feeling like I was failing.
And that was worth it.
Saving my family.
Finding joy in parenting, my relationship and my life.
It was not about the money.
The investment was in my family
And in myself.
Having the support, the system and the accountability
To create a different experience.
This is the work I’ve done on myself
And continue to do to this day (yes, I absolutely have a coach!)
And I know that this is exactly what I offer to clients.
The opportunity to change the experience.
The change that might just save a family (I know it saved mine)
I’m not a therapist and I don’t pretend to be.
I don’t jump in to tell you what your doing wrong
Or even what you should be doing instead
I’m not some peaceful super nanny
who’s going to make parenting all rainbows and unicorns.
I listen. I offer support and guidance.
I celebrate your wins and reframe your challenges to see the learning.
I help my clients rewire old beliefs. (because without this change feels impossible)
To truly see themselves as worthy.
To know their voice matters.
To learn how to ask for what they need and get it
To set limits and boundaries that peacefully stick
And to discover the art of being and releasing the control in the doing.
Because on the other side
is the connection, the partnership and the change they were
trying so hard to create from the outside in
to find the happy in the external change
and while all that changes
it comes from within.
My way of coaching isn’t for everyone
And I only invite those to work with me that I know I can help.
Many say no
But for those that say yes
If this resonates with you.
If you want to see what’s possible.
I’d love to connect with you.
I promise that you’ll gain clarity and insight into your vision for your family
Whether we work together or not.
Grab a spot on my calendar here and send the message that you’re ready to uncover the possibility and discover your next best step!
Irene is a certified parenting coach who is passionate about creating peace in parenting and opening parents hearts to what is possible in their family. She works with clients 1-1 and offers support through her digital course, The Peaceful Parent Playbook. She is host of the private Facebook Community, The Moms Hive. She is inspired to help moms let go of the doing that leads to the overwhelm and more “bee-ing” in peace, joy and a love for parenting.