Episode 25: Who is Your Inner Child? (And Why You Should Meet Her)
I'm sure you've heard the term "inner child." Maybe you've shrugged it off thinking it a term for therapists. But I am here to tell you this is a concept we all could benefit from understanding much, much better. And more importantly, the real benefits come from doing the work to understand & nurture our own inner child. That's what "healing" means in the context of personal growth. It's a process of re-parenting our little selves. Of giving her what she needs so that we, as adults, can stop replaying the same unproductive, self-sabotaging patterns that affect our relationships & really our entire lives. Let's get into it...
We are emotional beings, guided by the feelings in our bodies. When we are in a heightened emotional state ("good" or "bad") our brain pays really close attention to the details of the experience. Where are we? Who are we with? What are we doing? Pleasurable feelings lead us to seek similar experiences and uncomfortable feelings lead us to create strategies to avoid these experiences.
"Feelings driving your reactions are memories living in your body from childhood."
Our subconscious mind does not forget these feelings/experience links that are made in early childhood. They continue to play out in adulthood. When we are triggered as an adult, it is the little girl in us that does the reacting. Because these reactions are the learned responses from childhood that require no thinking. They happen automatically.
Yesterday's strengths are today's limitations.
The coping strategies developed as young children were brilliant at the time to protect us, but are often the very strategies that don't serve us as adults. Ex: playing by the rules, not speaking up, not asking for what you need, avoiding conflict, being the “good girl.” In other words, we learned to not listen to or honor our needs & desires which kept us safe back then but now holds us hostage as adults.
"Learning & connecting to this part of you can be one of the most powerful forms of inner work that you can do."
When we can listen, support, and give this inner child in us what she needs that she didn't get as a child, we can re-write our belief structure (with our now fully developed adult brain) so that we feel safe to adopt productive, life-affirming behaviors vs. ones that do not support the life we want.
"True emotional adulthood hinges on acknowledging, accepting & taking responsibility for loving and parenting this inner child. For seeing our triggers as a pathway to parts of us that need healing."
We all carry emotional wounds from our childhood. There is no possible way for a parent to meet all the needs of a child all the time. Although now as mothers ourselves, we often break our backs trying. We do this because we love our children (obviously) but also because it's a way of avoiding the tough feelings that come from witnessing our own child in emotional distress. We can't take it so we appease our children at the cost of necessary personal boundaries. An outdated strategy of feelings avoidance that no longer serves us.
Getting to know the little you inside and working to re-parent her can heal those wounds and completely shift not only your life but that of your child and of generations to come.
"You cannot protect your child from everything. Your child will have their own shit to work through. This is about not also having them carry yours."
Go ahead and give this one a listen. It is profoundly powerful.
