Episode 16: How to change What You Know to be What You Do
Welcome back! In this episode, Irene asks us to consider the concept of who we are being as the path to bettering our experience, to creating change. If you haven't listened to Episode 12: Why it feels so hard to react differently, it's worth a listen, as today's episode builds on that one. Let's dive in...
Many of us desire SO hard to parent peacefully & respectfully but struggle to do it in real life. We get so triggered by our children. All day long. So we attempt to control them & their behavior so that we can be calm.
But hang on, aren't we the adults here?
To be who we want to be takes effort, practice, discipline. On our part. What if instead of trying to control our external environment, we focus inward creating the experience we desire from the inside out? Regardless of the circumstances. What if we took ultimate personal responsibility for ourselves? Our actions, our emotional states & our experiences? While simultaneously letting go of the responsibility for these in others?
Some big shifts would happen.
This is the perspective and practice Irene’s inviting us to consider.
To shift our experience, we shift us. We shift who we are being. To do that, we need to be operating from choice, from our conscious mind. We need to break down those habitual patterns operating in our subconscious, and instead consciously choose our actions, our responses, our ways of being.
When we are in a reactive state, we are not conscious. We are defaulting. We are not choosing.
This is why the goal is to have the capacity to return to a state of consciousness at any moment. To recognize & step out of those subconscious, habitual patterns. This requires emotional regulation.
"It's creating this capacity & this ability to create this pause so that you can question what you so clearly see as the truth when you are in reactivity."
When in an emotionally regulated state, we have the ability to pause & choose the response that is congruent with our values. To show up as the person we want to be.
I would be remiss to not go back one step further. We will never be able to emotionally regulate ourselves if our needs aren't met.
This is why everyone is always telling you: SELF-CARE!! It’s the root you must tend to in order to have the life you want.
You have to meet your own needs first to have the capacity to regulate your emotional state which is necessary to create the state of consciousness required to choose a new behavior or desired way of being. You will always choose the old pattern of behavior unless you create this regulation & consciousness.
Self-care. Emotional self-regulation. Self-awareness/state of consciousness.
This is the path to creating higher-level change that will last.
Self-care so that you can emotionally regulate so that you can create the space for awareness & consciousness so that you can choose to show up & BE in alignment with your values.
"We are human, emotional beings. This is not about forcing ourselves to be happy about something that we are not happy or okay with. It is the capacity & the ability to pause between your internal reaction & your external response so that you are choosing the response that you want. You are engaging with the circumstances with the other person from this empowered place. And that is where change happens. Not from a place of reactivity and trying to force or attack.”
We can shift our perspective to view motherhood as a journey within. A journey sparked by our children, when we became a mother. A journey in which we use our triggers as beacons to the parts of us calling to be heard & then diving into healing ourselves. To create the experience of life we want. From the inside out.
"Turning what you know into what you do means letting go of the belief that there is a right or wrong way."
Because there isn't. A right way or a wrong way. There are just the ways in which you choose. Some will serve you and some won't. We all choose those that don't sometimes. It's okay. We're all learning as we go. We got this Mama :)
P.S. Let’s keep the conversation going! Join me over in the Thrive in Motherhood group!