Episode 29: Why Trying to be Happy Shouldn't Be Your Goal
Happiness. We all want. We all strive for it. And most of us miss the boat completely on experiencing it. The problem lies within the whole paradigm in which we see it. And in the way we go about trying to achieve it. Most people live from a place of "if I have this/that then I'll be happy" or "when this happens, then I'll be happy". Well, my friends, we have it all wrong.
"Seeking happiness that comes from pleasure, is to be happy when something happens. It is the end result."
That is all good & fine. Pleasure is fantastic. Keep after it. AND the thing is, if the reward of the pleasure is the only way you experience the good feelings you desire, you are missing out. And you will forever be seeking it, only to experience happiness when things go your way. Believing that happiness comes from outside of yourself is to believe you have no control over it. From this place, we are totally missing all the happiness & joy that comes from the journey to happiness itself. What if, instead, we consider contentment for a minute?
Contentment "is a state of being alive. It is a state & foundation through which you go through life. It isn't disrupted or taken away when life changes.”
Now, that is what I really want. A base state of contentment that is there regardless of what is going on around me. Not only does that protect me from wild emotional swings that feel out of my control, but it also allows for happiness to creep in even where I'm not looking for it. It puts delight & joy as my default. It's like wearing rose-colored glasses. It is long-term. It is my foundation.
"Contentment in this way can be calming. It's not that rush of adrenaline from a reward. It is not achievable through artificial means. It is a way of being in the journey of life."
A way of being that just feels really good all the time. Even when shitty things are happening. Makes me think of episode 26 with Holly Hughes where she says, "happiness doesn't have to be huge to be genuine." This message seems to be coming at me from so many places. It feels right. It feels good.
Contentment does not come in the future. It is right here, right now, in this moment. It literally is our thinking that we don't have it that makes us not have it. If you are perceiving yourself as unhappy, well, then you are. Your perception is all that matters here. Your unique subjective experience is just that & with awareness, you can control it. When you can recognize that it is your actual thought you're thinking right this very moment that is creating what it's like to be you (unhappy, angry, happy, etc), you realize that it's a matter of focusing your thoughts on how you want to feel, to get what you want. No more "but this" or "but that." Every thought counts, especially the one you just had, and even better, the one you're about to have. You are LITERALLY co-creating your experience with reality and when you can direct consciously your next thought on the experience you want to have, you shall have it. And the super cool part is that those big rewards that bring a surge of happiness, happen more often.
"If you allow yourself to be in the moment and you appreciate the moment, happiness will follow."
"It's a habit. The more we feel it, the more we feel it."
You can call it what you want. Happiness. Joy. Contentment. But the point is you will have more of it if you focus your thoughts on it. Don't wait. Do it right now, in this moment, with the circumstances as they are. Do it every moment you can remember. Stop waiting for reality to arrange itself in your favor. The more you do that, the more you will feel happy, content, joyful.
It really is that simple.
